Sir Terry Pratchett

4 3⁄4/5

Once upon a time, on a world carried across the galaxy balancing on the backs of four mighty elephants that stand upon the back of the Mighty A'Tuin (a turtle), Rincewind the useless wizard meets Twoflower the hapless tourist. Can anything go right?
Just remember (and this is very, very important,) dragons only exist if you believe in them. There's a massive net to stop you from falling over the edge. Don't upset the gods as they tend to get pissy pretty quickly. If you hear dice rattling, pretend to be asleep, and Sapient Pearwood, ah yes, then there's that Luggage thingy, beware, it bites.

To find out what I'm going on about - read the book.

Rincewind can't get anything right, but he can run away. That's something he's really pretty good at which is a good job as he has to do it, often. One of the great e.i.g.h.t. spells is lurking around in his head and every time he gets scared it tries to get itself said, but no one (especially not Rincewind) knows what will happen if he says it. 

The Colour of Magic isn't my favourite Pratchett book. In fact had I read this one first I might not have read the others, but I didn't, I read Interesting Times first and then came back to the beginning. What I will say, and I will say it often is, "It's a five (or in this case a four and three quarters), but it's no The Fifth Elephant." You'll find out why. Give it time. And now sit back, relax and read...

4 3⁄4/5

The Light Fantastic is the light that lies on the opposite side of darkness and it's a disappointing purple colour but you'll need it when you're heading toward the sun. A sun. Or just about any big dwarf star. 

The eighth spell of the great e.i.g.h.t spells is hiding in Rincewind's mind. He has to get back to Ankh Morpork to put the spell back in the Octavo and save the Discworld. But can Trymon beat him to it and become the most powerful wizard of everything, anywhere, ever? Or will Twoflower drag Rincewind into one scrape too many that he just can't get out of in time to save the world? And, oh yeah, Will Cohen The Barbarian marry Beth?

Read the book! I'm not giving you the answers here!

4 3⁄4/5

Our first outing with Esmerelda "Granny" Weatherwax, undisputed queen of the discworld. And the only outing for Esk. A wi-wi-wi-witch-rd.

The old wizard is supposed to give his staff to the seventh son of a seventh son before his demise, and with only moments to go, he gives it to a girl.

"Girls can't be wizards!" I hear you cry, pantomime style.

"Oh, yes they can!" And for the record Granny agrees with you that girls can't be wizards and tries everything to stop the staff from, well, doing whatever it is staffs do to make wizards do magic. The problem is, the staff has other ideas. 

Archancellor Cutangle is not having any of this stuff and nonsense. Girls can't be wizards! So, he should have kept a better rein on his boy wizard as he lets in critters from the dungeon dimensions. 

So who exactly will save the world from ripping apart at the seams of the fabric of time and space? Well, it can't be Esk, can it? I mean, she's not a wizard.

And wizards are celibate, aren't they?

4 3⁄4/5

Boy?

MORTTTTT!

Mort is apprenticed to Death. The Death. The one who wears a black robe, carries a sythe and sends people from the Discworld into the next.

But, he wants to save Princess Keli. Mort that is, not Death.

Death wants to know what it feels like to be human, and Death wants to save the cats.

Albert doesn't want his sand to run out.

Princess Keli just wants everyone to know she's there and Ysabell wants to read the diaries.

So, will Mort save Keli, get Albert's ticker going again, duel Death and marry Ysabel?

You'll have to read to find out.

4 3⁄4/5

The first Pratchett book I ever read was Interesting Times. Rincewind became my favourite fantasy character. Then as an adult I read the entire collection and found others. That said, Rincewind is the A-typical hapless hero and we have to love him.

The book begins before the book begins. Isplore the Red - a wizzard - was kicked out of Unseen University because he fell for a woman. Coitus is absolutely forbidden for wizzards. Death comes for Ipslore (an eigth son) just as he has an eigth son. A sourcerer.

Coin grows up but his staff takes control. Of everything. The wizards, the university and then the discworld. Only one hapless hero can help, but he's chasing after the archancellors hat that has escaped to Al Khali. Well, stolen from the thief it ordered to steal it - escaped to = same thing. The hat ran away from the sourcerer after getting itself stolen from the university. 

The arpocarlypse could come if the four, I mean three, horsemen had horses, but the thief needs one of those and her sidekicks, two of them, need the other two and no one is stupid enough to steal Binky. 

So, to find out if Rincewind can save the girl, the university, well, the library, the day and the planet, not to mention Coin, you'll have to read the book.

4 3⁄4/5

Granny Weatherwax, you simply can't say who will and who won't be King! But in typical Weatherwax style, that's exactly what happens when Esme finds the infant son of the murdered king in the woods. The Lancre land wants its rightful heir on the throne and only one witch, (with her two sister witches) can accomplish the task.

The Duke who killed King Verence to take the kingdom wants the witches dead and gone. He believes they are responsible for everything that goes wrong. As if! 😐

Tom-John grows up believing he is the son of the owner of a travelling theatre. Granny reorders time to ensure he is in Lancre at the right time to take his crown. Does she really think that no one will miss fifteen years? And what about Verence, The Fool?

4/5

So, we come to one of the two of my least favourite Pratchett books. Not because it's bad, because it isn't, but because I prefer the others more. Tepic is an assassin but when his father dies is also a king. In honour of his father he wants to build the biggest pyramid ever seen in Djelibeybi. But, pyramids are magical beggars and the bigger they are the more magic they produce. Even before it is built, the monolith turns the country into a side on pancake.

Dios, the mad priest pretends Tepic is dead to take over the country.

Tepic escapes with a sacrificial lamb-girl before Dios can throw her to the sacred crocodiles but will he leave his kingdom as flat as a saucer of cornflower? And this sacrificial girl, why is she having the right royal dream? 

To find out, you will need to read the book.

4.95/5

Captain Samuel Vimes is a loser. A drunken loser at that. The City Nightwatch are the laughing stock of Ankhmorpork, and then along comes Carrot.

Lupine Wonse, wants the crown and what better way to get it than to use a hapless load of secret society members to conjure a dragon, get your nephew to make it disappear, claim the throne because everyone knows the true heir to the throne rides into town carrying a jewelled sword and slays dragons, and then control the young whipper snapper to do your bidding?
There's only one slight snag, the dragon doesn't want to go.

Lady Cybil saves dragons. Swamp dragons, but she knows a lot about the mystical type too. Taking a no-nonsense approach she'll soon whip Vimes, I mean the dragon into shape. There's only one slight snag, the dragon doesn't want to be whipped into shape.

Then there's Carrot. Riding into town with that manky old sword of his and whaddya know, he's got a birthmark shaped like a crown, but he's not the true heir of Ankhmorpork. Is he? 

The first in The City Watch series. One of my particular favourites, it would be a 5/5 but I know what's coming up.